Saturday, August 12, 2006
what's the cOnnectiOn?
Today I experienced and understood a wildy liberating thing:
I can be happy without an external cause.
We always say "something happened to me and caused me to become happy" with that something being an external thing: some event, some word, or some sight, etc. We wait for it to happen, that one moment we worked hard for, that smile from a person we admire, that pat on the back from someone you respect, something outside of ourselves. Conversely, we say "something happened to me and caused me to be angry or sad". It is as though we're helpless victims subject to a series of life events, hopefully waiting for the moments to come that make us happy and fearful of the moments that make us feel dreadful. Is this all that our life is?
Is there a way out of this without injecting ourselves with illegal substances?! Or subjecting ourselves to thorough brainwashing?!
Sure, there are those activities, like yoga and meditation that fill you with peace but once you step out of the cosy yoga studio, you're on your own again and you wish for something to happen to make you feel not so blue. We can't sustain the feel good feeling even if we know that practices that bring our minds to a still place help greatly in creating balance in our perception, creating inner peace. Life hits us hard once we open the door of the yoga studio to re-enter the world and we just lose it. How can we be happy when confronted with the fast hitting reality of our work day?
Today, I faced yet another day of challenges. Face this alone. Again. Then a thought occured to me. Just out of the blue. "I don't care what is going to happen next. What's the next thing that's going to happen got to do with my being happy? What's the connection anyway?" Something clicked into place.
The next thing happened. I had to meet up with a friend who was feeling down. I had planned to do some work in the studio in the afternoon but when she called, I knew I had to meet her. I've had those kinds of days too. When I listened to her, I started to feel down too. Just like that. But I remembered my earlier thought. "What's the connection?" There is no connection. While I sympathise and console, did I need to be unhappy too? I searched for my inner happiness and it was still there. Interesting. . .
Later, I re-examined my earlier blog post. "Everytime I run close to being flat broke, I want to write a book. . ." What's the connection between being broke and being happy? Perhaps there is a limitation in the number of options you have but there is nothing here to do with how happy you are. Real happiness is independent of such superficial causes. We are either happy are we are not - come what may. My good friend, Tania, who is also running her own company on her own never fails to remind us that there was once when we both did not have to worry about getting our fat monthly paycheques but we were sooo unhappy then! We know that money does not solve anything because we experienced it. Happiness must be found within ourselves. If we wait for it to drop in on us, accidentally in seems, with the right set of circumstances then what a terribly random kind of happiness we wish for ourselves!
If everything is linked in an endless chain of cause and effect, what is the cause of happiness then? What is the source of the inner happiness if not external circumstances? I examined my own case and here's what I think causes my newly re-discovered inner happiness:
[1] Gratitude for all that I have: I learnt that counting my blessing reminds me of how much I already have and promotes a heart that cherishes all these things that I have because . . .
[2] I know that things are not forever. Darkness will pass into dawn. Day will fade into night. Troubles will cease and arise. Loved ones come and go. This is the nature of the world. This changeability is what gives something life. Cherish the fragile grace of life. We spend way too much time wishing things aren't the way they are turning out to be, we waste too much energy resisting change, denying change. Accepting things they way they are doesn't mean being ok with it ultimately and dropping into passivity, it is recognising reality in the meantime while continuing to work for the best outcome. Rather than going against the grain of change, flow with it. Strive and let go.
[3] Human beings are creative animals: I can always find another way.
[4] To have the ability to help others is the greatest blessing. My daily toil is dedicated to helping others: service is the reason for my work, my talents are given meaning because they serve a purpose.
[5] I make sure the burdens I carry are the burdens I choose. When my bags are getting heavy, I re-pack. I see if I'm only carrying the essentials. If it is a heavy item but an important one and I choose to put it in and I will carry it without complaint. I am free, I make the choice, I shoulder it.
[6] Zero expectations = zero disappointments. If find yourself very disappointed at a turn of events, you got to ask yourself "What did you expect?" It is not because of the way things turned out that makes you disappointed but it is your expectations that make you disappointed. The discrepancy between what you expect and what really happens is a problem that exists only in your mind. As the zen saying goes: "Everything is as it is". Manage your expectations. This is not to say that we no longer have dreams, aspirations and goals. It means that we "strive and let go", we balance effort and release. We recognise our goals for what they are, moving targets in our minds where we direct our daily efforts and see reality as it is, a set of conditions created by multiple causes not within your control. I like to ask myself as soon as I sense an expectation for a certain outcome (that is a my mind opening itself up for a future disappointment): "what's the craving that caused this expectation to arise:?" There is no smoke without fire, often expectations arise because we have certain desires. We have to admit this. The most painful disappointments come from the most selfish desires because the ego has such a huge investment of vested interest in these. If we can manage and even eradicate selfish desires, we will have no more disappointments. Every outcome, every moment, is as it is, full and marvelous, free from the projections of our ego's desires.
[7] There is Buddha nature in each of us. We are already enlightened. . . we are compassionate and wise but we just lost our shine because of worldly pollutants. Once we clean away all the greed, hatred and delusions, the decent folk that we are shines forth again!
[8] No matter how noisy, busy, trashy the day becomes, when I close my eyes and watch the breath, watch each thought, each feeling and stillness returns and I become stillness again.
[9] You can't be too depressed nor too angry if you're still singing. . . it's silly but I literally do this. . . even before the movie Anger Management (with Jack Nickolson and Adam Sandler) came along. It works because if you can retain a sense of humour even in your darkest hour, you maintain a more objective viewpoint and never allow yourself that headlong plunge into the abyss of navel-gazing selfpity. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and wise!. . ."
These are unshakeable causes. They never die (though sometimes they can be forgotten out of neglect). Which means in theory, my inner happiness cannot end. External circumstances cannot touch this. Yay!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I can be happy without an external cause.
We always say "something happened to me and caused me to become happy" with that something being an external thing: some event, some word, or some sight, etc. We wait for it to happen, that one moment we worked hard for, that smile from a person we admire, that pat on the back from someone you respect, something outside of ourselves. Conversely, we say "something happened to me and caused me to be angry or sad". It is as though we're helpless victims subject to a series of life events, hopefully waiting for the moments to come that make us happy and fearful of the moments that make us feel dreadful. Is this all that our life is?
Is there a way out of this without injecting ourselves with illegal substances?! Or subjecting ourselves to thorough brainwashing?!
Sure, there are those activities, like yoga and meditation that fill you with peace but once you step out of the cosy yoga studio, you're on your own again and you wish for something to happen to make you feel not so blue. We can't sustain the feel good feeling even if we know that practices that bring our minds to a still place help greatly in creating balance in our perception, creating inner peace. Life hits us hard once we open the door of the yoga studio to re-enter the world and we just lose it. How can we be happy when confronted with the fast hitting reality of our work day?
Today, I faced yet another day of challenges. Face this alone. Again. Then a thought occured to me. Just out of the blue. "I don't care what is going to happen next. What's the next thing that's going to happen got to do with my being happy? What's the connection anyway?" Something clicked into place.
The next thing happened. I had to meet up with a friend who was feeling down. I had planned to do some work in the studio in the afternoon but when she called, I knew I had to meet her. I've had those kinds of days too. When I listened to her, I started to feel down too. Just like that. But I remembered my earlier thought. "What's the connection?" There is no connection. While I sympathise and console, did I need to be unhappy too? I searched for my inner happiness and it was still there. Interesting. . .
Later, I re-examined my earlier blog post. "Everytime I run close to being flat broke, I want to write a book. . ." What's the connection between being broke and being happy? Perhaps there is a limitation in the number of options you have but there is nothing here to do with how happy you are. Real happiness is independent of such superficial causes. We are either happy are we are not - come what may. My good friend, Tania, who is also running her own company on her own never fails to remind us that there was once when we both did not have to worry about getting our fat monthly paycheques but we were sooo unhappy then! We know that money does not solve anything because we experienced it. Happiness must be found within ourselves. If we wait for it to drop in on us, accidentally in seems, with the right set of circumstances then what a terribly random kind of happiness we wish for ourselves!
If everything is linked in an endless chain of cause and effect, what is the cause of happiness then? What is the source of the inner happiness if not external circumstances? I examined my own case and here's what I think causes my newly re-discovered inner happiness:
[1] Gratitude for all that I have: I learnt that counting my blessing reminds me of how much I already have and promotes a heart that cherishes all these things that I have because . . .
[2] I know that things are not forever. Darkness will pass into dawn. Day will fade into night. Troubles will cease and arise. Loved ones come and go. This is the nature of the world. This changeability is what gives something life. Cherish the fragile grace of life. We spend way too much time wishing things aren't the way they are turning out to be, we waste too much energy resisting change, denying change. Accepting things they way they are doesn't mean being ok with it ultimately and dropping into passivity, it is recognising reality in the meantime while continuing to work for the best outcome. Rather than going against the grain of change, flow with it. Strive and let go.
[3] Human beings are creative animals: I can always find another way.
[4] To have the ability to help others is the greatest blessing. My daily toil is dedicated to helping others: service is the reason for my work, my talents are given meaning because they serve a purpose.
[5] I make sure the burdens I carry are the burdens I choose. When my bags are getting heavy, I re-pack. I see if I'm only carrying the essentials. If it is a heavy item but an important one and I choose to put it in and I will carry it without complaint. I am free, I make the choice, I shoulder it.
[6] Zero expectations = zero disappointments. If find yourself very disappointed at a turn of events, you got to ask yourself "What did you expect?" It is not because of the way things turned out that makes you disappointed but it is your expectations that make you disappointed. The discrepancy between what you expect and what really happens is a problem that exists only in your mind. As the zen saying goes: "Everything is as it is". Manage your expectations. This is not to say that we no longer have dreams, aspirations and goals. It means that we "strive and let go", we balance effort and release. We recognise our goals for what they are, moving targets in our minds where we direct our daily efforts and see reality as it is, a set of conditions created by multiple causes not within your control. I like to ask myself as soon as I sense an expectation for a certain outcome (that is a my mind opening itself up for a future disappointment): "what's the craving that caused this expectation to arise:?" There is no smoke without fire, often expectations arise because we have certain desires. We have to admit this. The most painful disappointments come from the most selfish desires because the ego has such a huge investment of vested interest in these. If we can manage and even eradicate selfish desires, we will have no more disappointments. Every outcome, every moment, is as it is, full and marvelous, free from the projections of our ego's desires.
[7] There is Buddha nature in each of us. We are already enlightened. . . we are compassionate and wise but we just lost our shine because of worldly pollutants. Once we clean away all the greed, hatred and delusions, the decent folk that we are shines forth again!
[8] No matter how noisy, busy, trashy the day becomes, when I close my eyes and watch the breath, watch each thought, each feeling and stillness returns and I become stillness again.
[9] You can't be too depressed nor too angry if you're still singing. . . it's silly but I literally do this. . . even before the movie Anger Management (with Jack Nickolson and Adam Sandler) came along. It works because if you can retain a sense of humour even in your darkest hour, you maintain a more objective viewpoint and never allow yourself that headlong plunge into the abyss of navel-gazing selfpity. "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and wise!. . ."
These are unshakeable causes. They never die (though sometimes they can be forgotten out of neglect). Which means in theory, my inner happiness cannot end. External circumstances cannot touch this. Yay!